July 2012
1 post
June 2012
5 posts
My fight.
I’m fighting. Fighting to keep being optimistic. Fighting to keep my head up. Fighting that someone will help me feel better. Fighting to not feel like I’m never getting better. Fighting.
I need the reassurance it is going to be okay, and I’m going to get better. But right now, I don’t feel like that’s happening. And I’m fighting it.
Anonymous asked: what does lifedownsideup mean? also do you make $ with your blog using peepspayerDOTcom?
She’s gone. 1230am last night. June 13th, 2012. Visitation is on Friday and the funeral will be Saturday. She’s free of pain now, that’s all that matters.
Why does He keep people here when they are in pain? Why does He keep someone here when the family knows it is time? Let her go. Please.
One day at a time.
It’s been a while since I last posted or even just wrote. Let me start with 2 and a half weeks ago. Grandma was lifeflighted in from Nebraska because they couldn’t do a procedure on her from the cancer in Nebraska. She is now in a hospice house, dying. They give her til the weekend and I don’t know how to handle that. The second part, the heart condition I told you...
May 2012
7 posts
If you only knew.
It’s 4:03 and I can’t sleep without you next to me. I toss and turn like the sea. If I drown tonight, bring me back to life, breathe your breath in me, the only thing that I still believe in is you.
April 2012
19 posts
Good guys.
I’m falling harder for you as the days go on. Who knew that this was what good meant.
Him.
He’s great. Opens the car door, makes me dinner, even paid a speeding ticket that he had nothing to do with. He says I’m beautiful when I know I look awful. I know he’s always going to be there when I need him most. How did I find you?
“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re 17 and planning for someday...”
:)
You never know when someone will just walk into your life and make it all better. I wasn’t looking, and they walked right in.
I want to be able to get my nails done. Or to have perfume on. Or wear my hair down. I want to feel like I’m not trapped because of where I work. 2 jobs is a lot, and on Monday, I’m leaving the people who have been there for me, for the other job where I can be there for other people. I’m not sure how I feel just yet, but right now, I feel like I’m ready.
I’m headed...
Visit Dartmoor Zoological Park.
Mammoth.
I’m 5’3”, 130 lbs. I know I’m not fat but my mind likes to think I am sometimes. I threw away my dinner tonight because someone jokingly called me fat. Even if you are joking, please watch what you say. We all have feelings, and even if you are kidding, it still hurts…
oth.
I grew up watching a tv show that helped me through the worst days. It meant so much to me to watch someone grow with me. It’s over now and I just wanted to say thank you to the creators. You have created a show that will last a lifetime in my heart.
Kiss it.
Let me make myself clear. Everything that I have, I have fought for. I wasn’t handed this stuff. I spent days and nights fighting to become a better person for the past 3 years. I have had endless fights with others just to get them out of my lives because I knew they were bad. I did everything for me, to better myself and create a much better life. I’m doing it, and I’m not...
March 2012
26 posts
Family or just friends?
I started my second job yesterday. As much as I love my first one, I think I may have to quit after a few more weeks. I am pulling 16 hour shifts every other day with both jobs, some days it’s 3 or 4 days in a row. Maybe after this week I can start to sleep again, and cut back hours at the first job. I hate leaving these people, they are my family. But I need to stay healthy for the other...
“Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.”
– Someone Like You
Somethin' Good
I posted a day ago saying I wanted to do something I loved, like helping people. As you all know, or just me cause no one reads this…I passed the state exams for CNA. Well I got a job today. Helping people. Rehab/Living Center. My best friend gave me a saying to put on my mirror the day we took our exams and I now look at it before I go out every day. It seems to be working so far. :)
Your life.
Sitting in the parking lot at work and I realize this isn’t what I want to be doing. I want to be helping someone. Not making their coffee. I need to go make something of myself, and I can’t do that here. For so long we do everything for everyone else, especially if you’re a kid. You do everything for your parents and not for you. It’s my turn, get running love.
Moving mountains, on my own.
Passed my state exam today with flying colors. 96%. Told you I would move mountains, and I’m not even done yet. :)
I'm okay with that.
No one really reads this blog. And that’s okay with me. It’s kinda like I have the freedom to put all of my thoughts down and I can’t be judged. Facebook judges you, Twitter judges you. But here, I have no one. And I’m okay with that.
State exam is tomorrow. I can do this. I know I can, and I’m going to. Watch me do what you thought was impossible. Watch me...
Get in line.
Today, someone told me that I just needed to understand that they have a lot going on in their life. It made me angry. They don’t understand when I have a lot going on but I have to for them? Not anymore. I’m done, and I don’t feel bad about it. I am always told I am the sweetest person they’ve ever met…maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I need to become a bitch to...
I miss you.
My best friend is my mom. I miss her a lot right now as she is taking care of my grandma who is very sick. Lung and liver cancer to be exact. I hate not having my mom here to talk to, or be excited with me about things. Like getting another job, or just having her around. She won’t be home til next Tuesday or Wednesday and it sucks. I just want to feel like I have someone again. She’s...
